Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
