i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
