Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
