Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
