Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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