Swine flu. Run for my life!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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