I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
