What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
