They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
