yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!