I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....