My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.