bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.