You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.