What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.