I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
