I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
