Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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