if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
