He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
