whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
