normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
