I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
