Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
