You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
