He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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