I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
