its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
