The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
