i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
