meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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