Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
