I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
