you traded sex for a burrito?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
