You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
