Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
