the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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