so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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