Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
