I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
