I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
