I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
