Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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