Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
