There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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