whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
