Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
