Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
