Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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