i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Please, let me fuck your mom
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
