I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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