the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
