Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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