in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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