So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
