please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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