I'm drive I can fine osifer
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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