Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
