So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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