everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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