afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
