So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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