as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
