he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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