Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
