I think my fart just growled at me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
