I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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