Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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