you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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