I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
