Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
