Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
