life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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