There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
