There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
