I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
